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Why the Hell Is the FBI Looking for Jimmy Hoffa?
The FBI has spent the greater part of this week and God-knows-how-much manpower and taxpayer-funded resources looking for Jimmy Hoffa’s body … again. The former Teamsters union leader was last seen in...
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“Candy Crush”: Shameless Online Porn
WAFB recently ran a story about the insidiously addicting and annoyingly popular online game “Candy Crush Saga,” which is essentially porn without all the societal stigma. If you’re reading this,...
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Lacking Bite, Sheriff Sid’s Sodomy Sex Stings Are Just a Pain in the Ass
After reading Jim Mustian’s article in The Advocate this weekend about the dozen men arrested by East Baton Rouge Parish sheriff’s deputies since 2011 under an invalid sodomy law, I must say I was so...
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I Stand By My Nearly Six-Year-Old Prediction About Miley Cyrus
In the January 2008 issue of Red Shtick Magazine, I forecasted the future of a then-still-young-and-innocent Miley Cyrus. After her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards this past weekend, I...
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Inside the Numbers: CityStats Says We’re Tailgating, Christian Potheads
Like a lot of people, I engaged in some light reading this summer. My literary choice? CityStats, Baton Rouge Area Foundation’s annual scorecard on the quality of life in East Baton Rouge Parish. Let...
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Sorrento: The Amanda Bynes of Small-Town Louisiana
Per capita, the town of Sorrento seemingly has garnered more headlines in the last couple years than any other municipality in Louisiana. Or in the country, for that matter. And to the best of my...
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The Biggest Oscar Snub Happened 41 Years Ago. And I’m Still Pissed.
It’s so ’70s. Yet it’s so timeless. Its lyrics offer a cautionary tale about surviving life in the ghettos of Harlem. Yet people of all races and socioeconomic standings dig it. It was used for both...
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Forget McAllister, Rolfe. The Legislature Is True Comedy Gold.
I was somewhat taken aback last week by the latest column from Greater Baton Rouge Business Report publisher and Gov. Bobby Jindal’s boyfriend BFF Rolfe McCollister. In it, McCollister vehemently...
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An Open Letter to Michael Crouch, Downtown Building Owner
Mr. Crouch: Go fuck yourself. I know that may seem rash, blunt, and crudely hyperbolic, but I mean it. Go fuck yourself. You’re the kind of asshole who gives capitalism a bad name. The shit you pulled...
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Abuse of Power and Pie
Two seemingly unrelated local men made seemingly unrelated headlines last week for seemingly unrelated acts of dubious behavior. Things aren’t always as they seem. Charlie Roberts announced Friday that...
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Chief on the Bucket List
Becoming Sorrento’s chief of police is like having a cocaine-fueled orgy with syphilitic porn stars. Lots of people would be jealous if you left out one word. But for some folks, the word Sorrento...
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Edwin Edwards: A Breath of Fresh Air? Actually, Yes.
Full disclosure: I am not voting for Edwin Edwards for Congress next month. Let’s get that out of the way right up front. If you must know, I’m voting for Dan Claitor. He’s an intelligent centrist (at...
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What Other Unconstitutional Laws Will BRPD Try to Enforce?
The issue of police and civil rights have been in the news a lot lately. From officers shooting unarmed people, to the militarization of police forces, to civil asset forfeiture (aka legalized highway...
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An Open Letter to the Broadmoor Residents Association
Hi, neighbor. As a Broadmoor homeowner for the past 15-plus years, I think it’s time I let you know how I feel about you. For most of that time, I’ve never been close to feeling compelled to compose...
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Texas and Florida Show Why Religion and Government Don’t Mix
I’ve never considered myself to be a big separation of church and state kind of guy. Maybe it’s because too many people who are vocal supporters of the separation of church and state are dicks. I...
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How to Sell More Papers by Pissing Off the Rest of Baton Rouge
I’ve noticed an interesting developing trend in Baton Rouge print media: out-of-state imports with no fear of gratuitously sullying and/or expressing distaste for beloved local institutions. I find it...
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When Did NOLA.com Become a Mean Girlish Clickbait Troll?
I can’t believe I’m writing yet another editorial about local media this week. Just a couple days ago, I published a piece called “How to Sell More Papers by Pissing Off the Rest of Baton Rouge.” In...
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Jindal Wants You to Tell the Media to Stop Pointing Out His Stupidity by...
Bobby Jindal has jumped the shark. I figured he would, eventually. I just never imagined he’d do it before he got around to officially announcing his candidacy for president. I thought somewhere down...
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The Power of Piyush Compels You: A Prayerapalooza Postmortem
So “The Response” (aka the “nonpolitical” prayer rally that featured politicians like Gov. Bobby Jindal and was set up in part by Rolfe McCollister, aka the treasurer of Jindal’s superPAC) went down...
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What If “The Dress” Was a Political Issue? An Examination of Our Belligerent...
That’s right, I’m talking about “The Dress,” an incendiary internet topic that had already gone through a meteoric rise and fall of online trendiness even before I began writing this. In case you’ve...
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